Weekend Getaway

My birthday occurred on Valentine's Day so my husband and I decided to do several things all rolled into a 3 day weekend. Day 1. Friday we went to see a great Led Zeppelin cover band. Just so you know, it was great. We danced and laughed and drank...a lot. Day 2 we went to a cabin. Let me tell you something about cabins. They have the worst utensils in the history of utensils. Nope you can't get a pan that works well on an electric stove,  Your eggs will certainly be partially burnt. Nope there isn't  a working spatula, spoon, oven or even a lighter to light the charcoal grill (p.s. they did not tell us to bring our own charcoal) That's okay, I mean ISH!

1. Vomiting small human in a car....Did you ever have that? It is like a tidal wave of "please make is stop" and "This is going to make me and my car smell so horrible." Luckily, I had a Zip lock baggie that contained medical supplies (our first aid kit)  in it to catch the vomit in the car. But, just when you think that you caught all of the vomit, you realize that it is in the child's hair, on her coat, all over the car seat, (which, by the way, has vomit crevices that you would never even knew existed) her blanket, her favorite doll. What does a crying 4 yo, yelling husband and complaining 5 yo have in common. ABSOLUTELY nothing but it certainly sets the scene. 

2. I legitimately pooped myself. No lie! My stomach started hurting and the "shart" is a real thing. This was occurring at 3 AM which BTW is like really early in the morning when you have been drinking because you have time away from work and reality. I had to WASH MY PANTS and my underware...like WHAT!!

3. Vomiting AGAIN. My second child decided that she needed to get into the act of vomiting. So, she decided to swallow an entire piece of waffle without chewing it. Like, for 5 minutes this kid vomited because she forced herself to eat too quickly like a starving little child. So again, dirty clothing, and disgusting feats of vomit (my family is setting a world record) Oh in the meantime my other daughter (the one who previously threw up) threw up again because she ate a fruit roll up to quickly. Again...check yourself before you wreck yourself... just asaying. #Ilovemyfamily

4. Back to pooping myself and please if you have had this happen to you please please comment. I had to wash my undies, my comfy pants a washcloth and was skeptical about the sheet I was sleeping in. Mind you, we are in a cabin and they don't have normal soap. I used facial cleansing soap provided my cabin itself like a hotel. Thank you hotel-NOT hotel! If you have ever 'sharted' yourself it is by far the most bizarre and surprising thing in the world. It is like finding a box of LUCKY CHARMS and not having any marshmallows. Serious crazy stuff, Right? Anywhooo. Now I am ok with my pooping myself. What I am not ok with is the Husband that literally has decided it would be the most hilarious thing of our "weekend getaway" to say the most ridiculous things about my pooping. #hurtsmyfeelings HON, just saying. I mean I don't blame him too much it is hilarious, however... when he states every 2 seconds to my children "Hey kids remember when mommy pooped her pants" over and over again it gets a little nuts.

5. Possible last thing. My daughters fight over and over again. Remember I have a 4 and 5 yo. They are super (eye roll) anywhoo. Literally everything is a fight. I never knew this and to be honest I am certain I am repeating other bloggers but 'eh whatever. My daughters also chase each other, wrestle till the mercy of the lord and beat the crap out of each other for no reason what so ever on a daily basis. So when they were playing with doors I gave several warnings about hands, fingers, door closures, and slamming of large wooden items. I even think that I may have gave them a tutorial on slamming fingers in doors, however they managed to slam fingers in doors anyway. So, husband and I being the calm parents that we are....."flipped the fuck out." There was no stopping us. You did, she did, we told you, you name it we said it. Just c'mon kids WTF! After searching for ERs, Urgent Cares and Hospitals, we determined an ice bath on her swollen fingers were fine and we resumed out interesting weekend getaway. 

The last and final thing I have to say is, despite our insanity of broken fingers, pooping and vomiting. I managed to remind myself that these are literally memories forever that we will talk about FOREVER (please God let my husband forget the pooping incident). I did go to Family dollar and by a pair of pajama bottoms, Imodium, and a 4 pack of under ware as the loose stools have continued. I wonder what the clerk was thinking. I hope it was as disgusting as I feel! Good night all